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Posts published in “Meanwhile in Sparta…”

Canada may become largest spring break student destination

Editor’s Note: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile in Sparta…” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events. Pradyot Sharma Opinion Editor Travel agents and airline websites were overwhelmed Wednesday as thousands of American college students attempted to book spring break vacations to Canada.  Canada Read More

Twitter loses valuable customer to national text alert system

Zach Henson Editor-in-Chief  Pradyot Sharma Opinion Editor After testing the presidential alert system Wednesday, President Donald Trump announced that he will abandon Twitter in favor of the new system.  “THE LYING MEDEA CANT BLOCK THE ALRTS LIKE THEY CAN BLOC ME ON TWEETTER,” Trump sent out in the alert after the initial test.  A source in Read More

7 a.m. classes a violation of Geneva Convention

Taylor Walding Variety Editor In accordance with the Geneva Convention, representatives from the United Nations (UN) have outlawed 7 a.m. classes on grounds of inhumane treatment.  Violation of the law will now be considered an international war crime and tried in court. Miroslav Lajčák of Slovakia, the current president of the U.N., said upon the committee’s Read More

University decides to admit lovebugs to boost enrollment

Emma Daniel News Editor Troy University will now allow lovebugs to enroll as students in an effort to boost enrollment numbers, the admissions office announced at a ceremony on Monday.  Fifteen members of administration, a handful of students and hundreds of lovebugs signed up for the ribbon cutting, unveiling a new “Lovebug Department” in Bibb Graves Read More