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Pelosi’s old gavel makes a comeback

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Editor’s Note: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile, in Sparta…” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events.

Pradyot Sharma

Opinion Editor

Residents of Pacific Heights in San Francisco filed a noise complaint on Tuesday night, saying they heard what sounded like the constant banging of a gavel coming from House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s house. 

Pelosi, who was previously speaker of the House of Representatives, is poised to regain the position after a Democratic victory in the elections. 

“I got back from work hoping to go to bed, but I was woken up by the irritating noise of the gavel,” said Leith Hollywood, one of Pelosi’s neighbors. 

The noise from the banging of the gavel just increased as the midterm results came in. Neighbors also said they heard Pelosi scream, “Yeah, baby, I’m back!”

Pelosi also corrected people who referred to her as Congresswoman. Pelosi said, “You can start calling me Speaker again.”

“It’s not official, but might as well get used to it,” she added. 

The Democratic National Committee has not yet informed her she has to be re-elected and is leaving the task to the congressman with the lowest vote tally. 

Pelosi appeared to be sad when she came to her campaign office on Wednesday. It is understood that the police confiscated the gavel.  

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