Satire: CNN unsure of what to report when Biden actually runs

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Pradyot Sharma

CNN executives had an emergency meeting to determine how they would report former Vice President Joe Biden officially announcing he would run for president.

The outlet has already done stories regarding Biden’s potential presidential run, including his policies, his relationship with former president Barrack Obama, and why he should not run for president. 

More importantly though, they have run multiple stories regarding what everyone from  Wolf Blitzer to Jake Tapper think about Biden running. 

Since Biden announcing will not be anything new, they may be out of content when it does happen. 

“In the beginning, we were just going to report that Biden was potentially running, but then we realized that we had 23 more hours of broadcast time to fill,” a spokesperson for the outlet said. 

“We have talked about every aspect of Biden running, so we are not sure if there would be anything left to cover when he does run.”

CNN executives are sure they can recover in time to put out content when this happens, because they have been in the same situation before. 

“When Malaysian Airlines flight 370 went missing, we did everything from trying to bring in psychics to asking tough questions like if the Bermuda Triangle had anything to do with it,”  the spokesperson said.

“Eventually we managed to move on from that.”

Sources  say CNN is hoping for Jake Tapper or Don Lemon to say something catchy they can run on a loop, or else they will have to resort to sending Anderson Cooper to war zones to prop up ratings.

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