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Satire: Dining hall renews ESPN2 Contract

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Austin MacCraw

Copy Editor

In a unanimous decision, Sodexo voted Tuesday night to extend its current contract with ESPN to solely broadcast ESPN2 in the dining hall through July 2021.

“Students have really responded positively to our coverage of ESPN2 on all 24 TVs we have in the dining hall,” said a spokesperson for Sodexo. “It felt only natural to continue this partnership, and we promise to bring the same level of high-quality sports television to Troy students for the next three years and hopefully longer.”

This move does not come as a surprise to students who expected the broadcast to go on.

“I was really nervous coming to college since I didn’t know how to play poker, and I kept getting ridiculed by my frat brothers for that,” said Dave Davidson, a freshman undeclared major from Daviston. “With ESPN2, I’ve been able to watch the World Series of Poker every week, and now I know how to play Texas Hold’em; I don’t have to feel left out anymore.”

Several students also pointed out the advantages ESPN2 has over ESPN.

“You only get the big games on ESPN, and a lot of people don’t want to watch what everyone else is watching,” said April Mayweather, a junior environmental science major from St. Augustine, Florida. “Who needs to see Alabama or Auburn playing football?

“What students really want to see is women’s tennis or professional bowling, and that can only be found on ESPN2.”

While student support was considered, there were additional factors that led to the choice, according to Sodexo’s programming manager.

“We know how much students enjoy watching ESPN2, but ultimately the decision was based on circumstance,” said the programming manager. “Honestly, we haven’t been able to change the channel since we lost the remote back in 2016, and this was just the best way to deal with it.”

After the contract extension, a “Dinner for Breakfast” proposal fell short after a four-hour debate in a close 6-8 vote.