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Satire: students discover library actually has books following bookshelf collapse

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Editor’s Note: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile in Sparta…” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events.

Pradyot Sharma

Variety Editor

Austin MacCraw

Copy Editor

The recent collapse of a section of a bookshelf in the Troy University Library has led many students to realize that the library has a government books and records section, assuring librarians that the items on the catalog do exist.

“I always looked at the library as a place to finish an essay the night before it was due, but I was surprised to learn that it actually had real books, let alone government documents,” said Jacob Jacobson as he was printing off his English Composition II essay five minutes before class.

Among the documents unearthed from the collapsed pile were Student Government Association minutes from the 1980s, an entire annotated copy of the Alabama constitution, and an original flyer for the leadership minor.

It is understood that amusement park giant Six Flags is in talks to include the bookshelf in its newest attraction. A spokesperson for the company cited the thrilling experience of almost getting crushed by a stack of books as the reason for the decision.

“While roller coasters do bring about excitement and intensity to our guests, the unexpectedness of ‘The Bookshelf’ will raise the bar for exhilarating experiences,” the spokesperson said.

When contacted for comment on the incident and the potential incorporation into Six Flags, the library staff just shushed and pointed toward the “Quiet Zone” sign.