Satire: Students tackle enormous debt by simply selling graduation tickets

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Editor’s Note: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile, in Sparta…” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events.

Asem Abdelfattah

Assistant News Editor

A startup at Troy has found an innovative way to help students pay off their loans by selling their graduation tickets.

“I first came up with the idea for University Trading when I saw very high demand for graduation tickets and limited supply,” said Peter Paterson, a junior marketing major from Troy. “I knew that was the perfect opportunity to offer students a way to trade their tickets and make a decent sum of money, and I am blown away by the results.”

University Trading offers a digital platform for university students to buy and sell items that are not traditionally sold anywhere else. The trading takes place in real time and buyers may turn around and sell the item for a profit instantly. Like the stock market, prices are based on bid and ask prices. The platform makes money by charging a commission fee on each trade.

Anna Anderson, a senior nursing major from Andalusia, said she was happy to secure tickets for her family of seven.

“I was able to get in the market as soon as it opened and bought two tickets at a price almost half the closing price and a quarter of the high of day,” Anderson said. “On top of the five free tickets I get from the school, now all my family can come see me walk across the stage and get my diploma.”

Bailey Bale, a sophomore economics major from Boston, Massachusetts, said he was able to make a profit by trading tickets. 

“I am not even graduating yet, but I was able to trade in the market and made enough money to pay off all my student loans,” Bale said. “I took a big risk trading in a volatile market this time of year, but I’m glad I did because I don’t have to worry about tuition anymore.”

Justin Jones, a senior global business major from Troy, said University Trading should be illegal because it is discriminatory and unfair.

“I had to sell my car in order to afford enough tickets for my family,” Jones exclaimed. “This company makes it harder for people like me with big families to attend graduation, and it gives international students an instant advantage because they get five free tickets just like us but typically never use them, so they make tons of profits.”

According to Paterson, the biggest threat to his business is the school deciding to move the graduation ceremony to a bigger venue or splitting the ceremony into two.

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