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Troy police arrest man who has been selling flash drives to students as e-cigarettes

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Editor’s Note: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile, in Sparta…” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events.

Jack Johnson, 29, was arrested Monday for selling flash drives disguised as JUUL e-cigarettes to Troy students.

The JUUL vape systems became available in 2017 and have since become very popular among college students because of their discrete size and vapor output.

“I got the idea when I saw a drunk frat dude trying to take drags from a flash drive at a party,” Johnson said. “I figured, ‘What the heck? I can make some money off these dopes!’ and bought a bunch of flash drives from Walmart.”

Police estimate Johnson sold around 100 of the fake e-cigarettes before being reported.

“I figured out his trick when I went to put the juice pod in it,” said Julie Jones, a freshman business major from Los Angeles. “I couldn’t figure out where the pod went or how to charge it!

“It was really embarrassing to report the guy to the police, but ain’t nobody gonna come between me and my coolness!”

A shivering Jones who hadn’t smoked a JUUL in four hours said she was definitely not addicted to the nicotine.

According to a deputy, the police chief fell out of his chair laughing when he read the report.

“I couldn’t believe those students fell for that!” he said.

Johnson has been ordered to return the students’ money but said he will still be selling the rest of his flash drives to students on the quad.