Golf cart apocalypse

Jill Odom

Sports Editor


We’ve all been there. We’ve all had a near death experience with those little carts that are supposed to be out on a lush fairway. To prolong your life and ease your chances of making it to graduation, here are some tips on escaping a head-on collision.
1. Always listen
Although it is a popular trend to rock out to your tune on the way to class, you need your ears to hear the steady putter rumbling up behind you, like a hungry lion. Save your Beats headphones for another day; the golf carts don’t mind coming up real close before scaring you to death when they pass. When you are listening and aware, you can simply step off the sidewalk to allow the predatory carts to be on their way.
2. Don’t play chicken
If a cart is coming towards you, don’t take the dominance challenge and try to see who will swerve first. It will be you. It will always be you, unless you want to struggle to class on crutches for the rest of the semester. Picture a charging rhinoceros if that will help you forsake your masculinity for a brief moment. Once again your best bet is to stay to the side. Clear a path and you will survive.
3. Avoid tour days
Golf cart migration patterns are haphazard at best, but you can always know that on tour days and at the close of a semester there will be more on the move. Research shows that those prospective students need to be shown around campus in style, and tamed golf carts are used to transport these curious visitors across the grounds. Studies also show that pleasant weather also increases the movement of golf carts and some experts suggest the golf carts go into hibernation during the colder seasons.
4. Stay off the path
Golf carts commonly prefer to use sidewalks and roads as their pathways to their unknown destinations. If too many students are on the sidewalks, then the carts blaze a trail through the grass. Over time the footpath of the carts becomes a muddy track that any upperclassman knows to avoid. The muddy areas are the cart’s territory and it will defend its new pathways at all costs.
5. Join the pack
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. For those elect few, there are some students the golf carts take in as their own. As a member of the carts you no longer have to fear being run over because you are now the one roaming amid the herds of students on the quad. Revel in your newfound power and share your secret with few or they will try to beg you for rides as well.
A final note of advice, no text message is worth your life. Watch for golf carts on the move to avoid any accidents. Please note, all of these tips are suggestions and should be taken as such. It’s a jungle out there, so please take whatever precautions you feel necessary.

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