Meanwhile In Sparta: Senator Binks recommends handing President “emergency powers”

Sam Stroud

Opinion Editor

 On Monday, Gavin Newsome’s new Democratic senator appointment from California, Jar Jar Binks, delivered a floor speech which has been hailed as brilliant by many on the political left. 

“It was simply the most eloquent speech I have ever heard on the Senate floor,” CNN’s Jon King claimed. “It won’t be forgotten for the next 10 to 15 thousand years.” 

In his speech, Sen. Binks decried the internal instability within the American Republic and advocated for a transfer of emergency powers to President Biden in light of the Capitol riots.

“In response to this direct threat to the Republic, mesa propose that the Senate give immediately emergency powers to the President,” Binks said.

Binks discussed the need for unity and insisted that it could only be achieved if Congress were to seed power momentarily to the President in order for him to assert his agenda of unity without having to discuss and compromise on issues with half of the country. 

The White House distributed a press release which noted that the President loved the Republic and would accept this power with great reluctance. 

“Quite honestly it’s an honor to work with the Gungan,” Democrat Sen. Hirono of Hawaii said on MSNBC. “His level of wit and expertise has truly encapsulated the level of intellectual quality that Americans have come to expect from our diverse and forward-thinking party.” 

When asked about whether Sen. Binks should be elevated within Senate Democrat leadership, Hirono was uncertain. 

“You won’t find many Democrat senators who can measure up to Jar Jar’s level of critical thinking skills, I would certainly be open to that possibility,” Hirono said.

There are those who are skeptical of both the senator’s credentials and proposal. 

“After trying to insist that the Vice President could simply pick the president and unilaterally dismiss the electoral college, I thought I had cemented my legacy as the biggest clown in Congress,” Texas Republican Congressmen Louis Gohmert told Fox News. “I’m not sure I want a swamp rabbit who can barely speak English to try and wrestle that title away from me.” 

Other more serious Republican leaders balked at the freshman senator’s proposal. 

“I cannot be the only one having flashbacks to 7th-grade ancient world history,” Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell commented. “I mean, isn’t this literally what Rome did?” 

Even without this proposal, Biden has been consolidating power within the Executive Branch, signing a record-breaking number of Executive Orders in his first weeks of being in the Oval Office. 

Republican critics of the new senator have been labeled speciesist by political pundits and commentators across the political media. 

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