by Emily Mosier

Taurus – Your imposter syndrome is a lie. As mid-terms come up, remember that your good grades and success are the result of hard work and genuine effort. Taking a break doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful to be college, and it doesn’t mean you’re a fraud. Those illegitimate checks you’ve cashing, however…

Gemini – You should have imposter syndrome. Stop plagiarizing and do your own work. Besides, your professor will be able to tell that your essay was written by a cheap AI that thinks Samuel Clemens and Mark Twain are brothers.

Cancer – The best way to avoid burn-out is to make intentional time for exercise in your routine. Plug in your earbuds and go release some endorphins on the treadmill. You’ll be much more focused. And if you accidentally exert yourself to the point of hospitalization, you won’t have to take your mid-term at all.

Leo – You are too much of a social butterfly. You will not survive the middle of the semester grind if you aren’t a homebody at least one day in the week. Lock the dorm and don’t open it for anyone until your homework is done, Seriously, not even your roommate. You need perfect isolation and focus. 

Virgo – Don’t be ashamed of utilizing a tutor to study. You’ll want to get through all of that procrastinated work before Spring Break gets here. If not, the mountain of paper assignments next to your bed might fall over and suffocate you. 

Libra – You’ve worked and slayed so hard this semester; you deserve to splurge a little and get yourself a nice little treat as a reward. Stay on the grind, but grind with a fancy Starbucks drink in your hand. 

Scorpio – Your family misses you. Work is not a good excuse to never talk or visit them. Seriously, if you don’t come home soon, your nieces and nephews are going to forget who you are.

Sagittarius – You have some seriously dark and sinister obstacles coming up in your future. Start planning for Spring Break now, and make it extra fun. Enough fun to carry you through the dark age, otherwise, you may not make it.

Capricorn – You’ve skated by so far this semester, but it’s really time to buckle down and take things seriously. Drawing in Christmas trees on your homework just won’t cut it during the second half of the semester. Seriously, you should bubble in buckles instead.

Aquarius – You ace all of your tests and will continue to do so, stop stressing yourself out by overstudying so much. You know that teacher is lying about grading for spelling, so why are you staying up past midnight learning to spell “inordinate.”

Pisces – Don’t wait too long to buy your scantrons or blue book. In fact, stop procrastinating, and that goes for every aspect of your life. There’s no reason to leave dishes in your sink for over a month. They’re starting to mold, silly.

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