Editor’s Note: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile in Sparta…” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events.
Pradyot Sharma
Opinion Editor
Travel agents and airline websites were overwhelmed Wednesday as thousands of American college students attempted to book spring break vacations to Canada.
Canada legalized purchase and possession of marijuana up to 30 grams for recreational use on Tuesday, but the students maintain they were not aware of this development.
Jack Hightower, a sophomore business major from Alabaster, said he had always wanted to visit Toronto.
Hightower’s fraternity brothers were surprised, as he was complaining about Canada’s liberal health care system until Tuesday morning.
“He vowed to never visit the country, but after watching the news Tuesday morning, he was practicing his French,” a fraternity brother said.
Hightower’s reason was similar to the Wikipedia description of Toronto, which he claims he has never read.
“Toronto has a population of 2,731,571, and its diverse population reflects its current and historical role as an important destination for immigrants in Canada, citation needed,” Hightower said.
Many students are preparing for the trip by practicing French, which has been a challenge.
“It is easier to pretend to speak Spanish than French,” said Jack Weedman while attempting to say “Combien de fois pour 30 grammes?” (How much for 30 grams?).
When a hotel in Toronto was reached for comment on the influx, the receptionist said, “Dude! Cool…”
Meanwhile, Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau has called an emergency cabinet meeting to discuss building a wall at the southern border.
