Tag: satire

Meanwhile in Sparta: School unveils new state-of-the art mask design

Sam Stroud

Sam Stroud Opinion Editor Several studies recently have suggested that not all masks are universally effective against COVID-19, certain designs appear to have specific levels of effectiveness. Coupling this knowledge with a new scientific data, which suggests that COVID-19 can be transmitted through the eyes, has forced Sparta University to reconsider its current mask mandate.  With all this in mind, Sparta University has announced that it has designed the most up-to- date, sophisticated mask for the students and faculty to wear.  This new design is sturdier, as it is made…

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Satire: Students tackle enormous debt by simply selling graduation tickets

Trojan Living

Editor’s Note: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile, in Sparta…” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events. Asem Abdelfattah Assistant News Editor A startup at Troy has found an innovative way to help students pay off their loans by selling their graduation tickets. “I first came up with the idea for University Trading when I saw very high demand for graduation tickets and limited supply,” said Peter Paterson, a junior marketing major from Troy. “I knew that was…

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Satire: CNN unsure of what to report when Biden actually runs

Trojan Living

Pradyot Sharma CNN executives had an emergency meeting to determine how they would report former Vice President Joe Biden officially announcing he would run for president. The outlet has already done stories regarding Biden’s potential presidential run, including his policies, his relationship with former president Barrack Obama, and why he should not run for president.  More importantly though, they have run multiple stories regarding what everyone from  Wolf Blitzer to Jake Tapper think about Biden running.  Since Biden announcing will not be anything new, they may be out of content…

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Troy calls TUPD off trail of hazing investigation to write parking tickets

Trojan Living

Editor’s Note: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile, in Sparta…” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events. Zach Henson Editor-in-Chief The Troy University police chief was reportedly called away from handling a situation involving intoxicated minors on Fraternity Row to write a parking ticket near Patterson Hall. According to police reports, a student had parked in a faculty member’s spot, preventing Joe Blow, a professor of history, from making it to class on time. “How on earth can…

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Boise team upset over green turf

Trojan Living

Sam Stroud Staff Writer After inspecting Veterans Memorial Stadium ahead of the first game on Saturday, the Boise State football team was in a state of disbelief over the color of the turf because their own field is blue. “It’s actually green!” a player commented. “We thought all football fields were blue.” This unexpected development has required that the Broncos rethink their game plan. “One of our team’s greatest assets, stealth, has been severely hampered,” said Broncos Head Coach Bryan Harsin. “Our team is basically a group of ninjas in…

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